


Higher Purpose

by clexa_negovanman



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 06:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15768804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa_negovanman/pseuds/clexa_negovanman
Summary: Some believe that everyone has a purpose in life. A purpose you must fulfil. Some know what this is their entire life and pursue it fiercely. Some don't realise their purpose until their dying breath.Does it really take death to feel fulfilled?





	1. Prologue

“This is dumb. This is insane. I don’t understand why this is necessary, why can’t I just take her with me?”

“It is for your safety. This is vital for your and our survival. We must go through with this.”

____________________

Vital for our survival. I still cannot believe I trusted him.

It was barely in time that I caught wind of the whole nuclear meltdown. Scared to reveal my identity, I was in the shadows, in the background, hidden behind the radio silence and everywhere but nowhere at the same time. I didn’t yet understand my purpose in being alive, but if there was any chance of seeing her again I would endure it.

I watched familiar faces disappear in their own blood. Watched the girl, the woman, who saved me die without being able to even shift in my seat as to not draw any attention. It was hard. It was painful. Knowing her struggle on top of all of it made it worse.

She left. She got out. She is up there again, somewhere in space, somewhere, alive.

It’s a miracle that I am alive, too. For some reason, I have made it through the praimfaya, though it has not allowed me to gain an understanding for my purpose Titus talked about.

I remember him in tears.

I remember leaving. I should never have let him send me away. He had always told me that I was his purpose. That he was alive because of me. That the only reason he existed was to serve me and protect me as well and as long as he could.

I remember him in tears. “Ai laik odon, Heda. Be klir.”

He kissed my forehead as he waved goodbye and I couldn’t help but mirror his face, my skin damp with tears of my own. As much as we fought and as much as I sometimes despised him, he was like a father to me. He had always taken care of me, perhaps wrongfully, but fully. Nothing in him mattered more than me.

I knew that he was gone before I heard it on the street. I knew he would never serve another. I knew that he would kill himself now that his purpose was fulfilled. I didn’t agree with him, but I understood. And I was thankful.

I almost felt wrong for still being alive without getting into the bunker or having any meaning to anyone at all. I hadn’t helped a single soul, I hadn’t been able to save anyone, couldn’t save Luna, no, wouldn’t save Luna in an effort to try and see what this purpose was for me.

I have no clue. I have been alone and alive for almost a year and I have not a single clue.


	2. Denial

_ Six… Five… Four... _

I shifted on my feet, ready to jump the small creature in the bushes. 

_ Three… Two… One… _

“Stop! Don’t move!”

My heart skipped a beat. Was I going crazy? It was… Her voice. No, it couldn’t be, she was up in space, so far and so safe that I couldn’t radio her. Had I just imagined that? Could I have imagined that? Was I really that lonely?

“Put your hands up in the air!”

I hesitated for a moment. This had to be real. 

“NOW!”

I did as I was instructed and slowly raised my hands. The next command was to drop my knife, I listened. There were a few moments of silence as this person studied me, I assume. I heard them shuffling around.

“Now turn towards me. Slowly.” 

The voice was trembling, almost as if they were ready to break down and cry. I felt a twist in my gut as I took small and slow steps to turn around. Soon there was a woman standing in front of me. She had some sort of rifle in her hands, her face was covered with some kind of cloth but it was obvious she had only recently improvised this article of clothing as if she was afraid of what I would think if I saw her face. Perhaps she was badly burnt, disfigured.

“How... are you here?” she asked me.

Not who I was. Not what I was doing. Not why I was there. And I felt that how I was there wasn’t asked in the sense of ‘how did you survive the praimfaya’, no, it was asked as if a way older, way deeper wound was opened.

“You heard me, how are you here?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s a lie!”

“No, it’s not, I honestly…”

“You were dead! I watched you die! You’re not… You can’t…” 

She started sobbing. I could hear a muffled curse word between the breaths she took. She hesitated then lowered her weapon, using her now free hand to wipe her tears. This pulled my attention to her eyes. 

No.

It couldn’t be. No, my mind was playing tricks. There was no way that those eyes were actually as familiar as they felt, it simply couldn’t be true, she was supposed to be gone, supposed to be safe, safe in space… I saw them take off.

“Clarke?” I asked as my voice cracked.

Every molecule in my body was praying it was her just so I could hold her again, just so I could even see her face again, even if it was just one last time. Simultaneously I had to fight every single muscle in my body, every single part of me wanted to run, it wanted to leave and never look back, walk into the burnt up remains of what was once my city and die.

Then she took off her mask.

I felt dizzy. I felt my knees buckle under my own weight and I felt a rush of air as I fell to the ground, with the crystal clear image of her blue eyes burn into the back of my brain. Everything went dark as I felt being engulfed in a wave of coldness and white noise. Clarke.

____________________

As I blinked I saw darkness. After a few moments tree silhouettes highlighted by red filled my vision. I felt a warmth wash over my face and felt a soft surface underneath me. I was startled by the sound of movement from a nearby bush.

Had I been dreaming? Had I passed out because I hadn’t eaten in so long and had a hunger hallucination? 

The noise continued as I got up to my feet and searched for my knife. I didn’t have it on me, nor could I find it anywhere nearby. It came closer and I turned towards whatever it was so I would at least have a chance to fight what was coming. Then a young child appeared.

This confused me. What was a child doing out here? How had she managed to survive praimfaya? How had she managed to survive the aftermath alone? Then a blonde woman appeared behind her. A blonde I knew very well. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. A million questions raced through my head. Could this child be hers? There was no way I had been gone that long. Perhaps she already had her and I had never known.

“Who are you?” Clarke asked, “Madi sees you too, you’re real, so who the hell are you?”

I looked down for a second, trying to process what was happening. Clarke most certainly recognised me, she had to. Why was she asking me who I was? What was the point if she already knew?

“I…” I spoke, “I am Lexa kom Trikru. The last known true commander of the thirteen clans on earth. You… Clarke, you know that.”

“No I don’t!” she snapped with tears in her eyes, “You’re not her! She died in my arms!”

“I know I did Clarke, and trust me I thought that was it but for some reason, I am still alive. And so are you, how did you…” I looked down at the little girl who must be called Madi, “How did you two survive?”

“You have no right to ask me any questions.”

“Clarke, please.” I started approaching her.

“Stay away!” she pointed her rifle at me. It hurt, being so close to her and not even being able to get near her. Everything felt like such a mess. I couldn’t be dreaming, it all felt so incredibly real, and if I was dreaming wouldn’t Clarke be happy to see me? And if it was real, shouldn’t she still be glad I was alive? 

“I’m confused.” I stated, “What is going on? Why are you threatened by me?”

Clarke looked hesitant. Her hands were shaking as she held the rifle and her eyes were so watery I assumed she could barely see. Madi was now standing behind her, holding onto her, and looking at both Clarke and me.

“You say you’re… Lexa,” she said my name as if a knife in her chest got twisted, “but that cannot be true. Which means you’re a liar but you look and stand and talk just like her and it’s all a lie and… I could just kill you right now. You have no right to do this to me I could just fire and all of this would be solved.” 

By the time she was done talking she was sobbing. She didn’t believe it was me. Maybe refusing it was me was what she had to do to try to stay sane. As she continued to cry I took a step towards her and she lowered her rifle. “Just please don’t touch me,” she begged. I understood. I imagined how I would feel if I had thought she was dead all this time, just to find her alive and well after more than a year.

She sat down. So did Madi. So did I. Clarke kept crying for a bit. Then she stopped. 

We sat there in silence.


End file.
